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Office Rodents

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“This place is like Hooters!” a co-worker once remarked.He was right. The women at my job did pay very little to the dress code. Although not quite at the bikini stage, they often came to the office in tops with plunging necklines and tight little leggings that left little to the imagination. Even though sometimes the top parts of their outfits seemed somewhat… conservative , it was all party down below. Tights, tight jeans, capris, management was probably lucky they wore pants at all. Some of the other ladies complained, but I enjoyed the view.You’d think, in an establishment like that, I would have grabbed one of them and taken them home, but a couple things stopped me. One, I’ve always heard that you don’t date co-workers, ‘You don’t shit where you eat’, as one person put it. Secondly, I’m painfully shy. I have something called social anxiety disorder, my paralyzing fear of rejection keeping me from…maybe doing something I shouldn’t. This is why, on the day they assigned us to the new project, I spent the morning expressing those pent up sexual frustrations deep within the cottony recesses of a plush raccoon toy. (Speaking of things I shouldn’t be doing!) The arrangement not too satisfying for either one of us.My fun came to an abrupt halt when I noticed the Venetian blinds of my sub basement apartment had been facing the wrong way. “Oh baby!” I heard a man mocking from outside.I hurriedly retreated into the bathroom, took a cold shower, got ready for work.And, obviously, fixed the blinds.I used to work in a gray one story cube of a building in an office complex in the middle of the hilly Kansas countryside. It actually had more floors than I knew about, but I’ll get to that later.The sight I caught in front of the time clock at the office nearly finished off what I’d started with the stuffed toy. Of course, I’d never in a million years dare inform her of this fact.Candace Jones. Coffee brown skin, dark hair molded into a bob haircut. Her charcoal grey leggings were so tight that they looked like they’d been painted on. Stylish designs that imitated riding chaps, emphasizing the natural outlines of her lower anatomy. She had on a white top, again fitting close to the skin, plunging neckline, with an exposed midriff.And here’s the crazy thing: Her top had a big picture of a raccoon printed across the breast.Admittedly, not identical to the one I’d been using for self pleasure, but the coincidence was so startling that I couldn’t form words, even when she spoke to me. Sure, it was just a perfunctory `Good morning, how are you?’ She really didn’t care that much, but my response didn’t come out as recognizable sound, so I had to repeat my `fine’ and `good morning’ again.Then it got worse. I blushed furiously, realizing with horror that my subconscious must have blurted the wrong thing.The look she gave me could curdle milk. “What did you just say?””I was just commenting on your shirt. It’s cool. I…like raccoons. Sorry. I… mumble sometimes.”Brandice looked down, frowned at her shirt, chuckled a little. “Oh right. I just threw this thing on and forgot I was wearing it. Thank you.”My face flushed hot with embarrassment. I opened my mouth, tried to make myself say something to fix this awkward moment. I wanted to say that her top looked cute on her, or nice or otherwise good on her, not to mention, wow, those leggings, but I couldn’t make the words come out.She rolled her eyes and clocked in, marching off to her desk.Well, that’s how my life generally is.I worked for Paragon, the world’s largest online department store, helping customers with purchasing everything from typewriters to platform heels, assisting with their baby and wedding registries. Daily I learned a bunch of words I will probably never use anywhere else, such as `silk taffeta’, `poplin,’ `platform wedges’, `clutch’ and `espadrilles.’Despite all that, I loved my job, I did great sales, kinda wished some of those phone skills could have helped me get a woman in real life, but it doesn’t quite work that way-romance is awkwardly unstructured, and I’ve been riding on the short bus for so long, I doubted I’d ever find anyone.You’d think that a customer service job in a call center would be a big social step for someone like me, and maybe give me enough confidence to ask someone out, but there’s a lot more isolation than you think. Our warehouse-like office is a maze of tall cubicles you can’t see over. I put on my headset, log into the computer and phone system, then spend most of the eight hour shift looking at computer screens and talking to disembodied voices in other cities.The chairs, being typical office furniture, had been manufactured with a weird, uncomfortable slope that made my underwear move around every time I sat on them. The phone headsets made my ears feel itchy, and the desk was too short for my long legs, so I often made the mistake of stretching them out and accidentally unplugging power cables. I could see the polo shirts and dresses and ladies outfits they’d used to decorate the walls, but that’s about it most the time.I imagine if the cubicles had been shorter, I might have found the view a little… distracting. I know, when I stood up, I could already admire a few hindquarters… And receive more than a few annoyed glares. Sometimes during breaks, I had to force myself to think about math (and avoid the phrase ‘hard numbers’) so people wouldn’t see a bulge in my slacks.Before that fateful day my company started the weird new project, I faced the usual trifles. A woman the night before a wedding ordered a pair of heels on our website, mistakenly assuming that we’d be able to somehow transport them to her before the wedding was over the next day. We’re fast, but not that damn fast. She absolutely refused to accept anything but those heels at that wedding. Sure, just let me strap on my rocket pack and fly those to you.A man complained that the `television’ he ordered from the site was really just a television stand. When he got it in the mail, he was furious. Do you think we’d we’d sell a TV like that for ten dollars? Accuse us of misleading advertisements all you want, that’s just not good horse sense.Then came the lady who ordered a picture frame for a Bar Mitzvah. It arrived broken so we got her a replacement. Guess what? That one broke too. After the third one, management said no more, offered her a refund. Nope, I just want an unbroken picture frame. Had to get a manager to settle that one, too.After a few messes like that, I got very nervous when manager Jolene touched my arm and told me to come with her. I thought for sure it had to do with the frequency of my supervisor calls. Or maybe my ill conceived messages I’d emailed to the client.Management of course, has to be conservatively dressed. Jolene’s neckline seemed a little low, but otherwise, you know, generic corporate pant suit.”What did I do this time?” I asked.”Relax,” said the narrow blonde woman. “You’re not in trouble. Log out and come with me.”I deactivated beylikdüzü escort my phone and computer, following the woman up to Brandice’s desk as she gave her the same instructions. The thought entered my mind that maybe she’d set up something between us, but this is reality we’re talking about.That fact became more evident as Jolene grabbed other people from the phones. There was Yasmeen, a mocha skinned girl with long kinky hair, clad in a tight little sweater, tan leggings that were practically pantyhose. You could see outlines of her underwear through the sheer material…Wanda, kinky hair, clad in what looked like a purple unitard, white stripes running up the side leggings to give the impression that it was a track suit, but you could see every outline, even the shape of a camel toe. The neck of her outfit ran all the way up to her chin…Jolene wasn’t just pulling girls off the phone either. Antoine, a tall lanky dreadlocked guy-long baggy shirt and pants, with a slouched posture to match, Chuck, a portly little buzz cut guy, one of the few people to wear business casuals around the office, and Terel, the big guy wore sports jerseys, but the shiny earrings and effeminate behavior kinda made me wonder about him.We picked up one more employee, a narrow humorless looking girl with braided hair and glasses I’d never seen before. Although she wore a rather sharp professional looking vest and blouse, her no-nonsense appearance ended abruptly in a pair of revealing leatherette stretch pants.Jolene led us out the security gate of our little department, through the cafeteria and down a cinder block corridor to an executive meeting room.Cherry wood paneling, long glass table, posh leather swivel chairs that would have been delicious to sit on naked.”So…” I ventured. “Definitely not in trouble.”In a way of response, our other manager, Ray, came in with a bunch of pizza and sodas on a cart. Pasty faced, needle nosed guy, wears glasses, standard white shirt tie and slacks.”We brought you here because you guys are the best of the best, with the highest customer satisfaction ratings in the department. This party is a little show of our appreciation for the good job you’re doing.”One last straggler came in, a short hefty brunette, frumpy in her Harry Potter shirt and loose fit jogging pants. Kelley. She had one of the biggest mouths in the office. In fact, I was kinda surprised she came in late. But I did seem to remember her being on a call.It turned out they had more planned than just a pizza party. As we dug in, poured the drinks, grabbed some chocolate eclairs, Ray started passing out packets of paper.The paperwork had a letterhead reading DOGOS, and beneath a vague description of a customer service job, with a list of policies and guidelines. In addition to the usual rigamarole about not having cel phones out in the call center, attendance and whatnot, I started noticing some disturbing items, such as `dress uniform’ “What’s all this?””A new company has offered us a fair sum of money to transfer all of you to anew department We believe you have the skills, the telephone presence, and the look the new company is looking for.””Look?” I stammered.”Professional but ordinary. Respectable. We showed the company your pictures and they like you statistics. This looks like it’s going to be a very rewarding job.”Yasmine angrily slapped her packet down on the table. “Where are we relocating? I have kids!”I stared, wondering what her kids must think about `mommy’ going outside dressed like that.”Relax! We’re not going to be doing any moving anytime soon.”All of my coworkers started asking questions, so Ray hushed them the best he could and made this announcement: “In the back of each of your packets is a non disclosure form. I need you to sign these immediately and hand them to me. Once this is done, I’ll answer any questions you might have about the new project.”Once we did this, the man said, “What we are about to tell you, and show you, is so incredible that you’ll probably want to tell everyone about it. But I must warn you, under no circumstances should you share this information with anyone outside the department.”Jolene leaned against a markerboard. “No one will believe you, for starters.””And if they do, you will run the risk of not only losing your job,but also some adverse action on the part of the company. They have ways of making it hard for you to find work.”Displeased murmurs followed this.”If anyone has a problem with this, you’re free to go. We still have use for you in the Paragon project.”Terel and the girl with the Harry Potter shirt got up and left.Once that had been settled, everything changed.Ray got on a Nextel type phone, radioing someone in the building. Whoever it was said the hallway was clear.A moment later, the strangest creature I’d ever seen came strolling into the conference room.Although dressed in a white shirt and tie, with rather ordinary blonde hair, Caucasian skin, and unmemorable pointy nose, his ears looked freakish. Pointy and covered in fur, it looked like someone had grafted German shepherd ears to the sides of his head. “Greetings. I am Vuembi.” We all stared. The others chuckled and pointed. I snickered a little myself, but being a scifi nerd and enjoying a good cosplay, I smiled and gave the creature a friendly but bashful wave.Our `cosplayer’ smirked at the girl with the braids and glasses. “I see that some of you are taking this seriously…” The stranger cleared away some of the pizza boxes, placing a small pyramid on the table. When Ray shut off the lights, we got treated to a strange sort of holographic movie. I’m not sure how I’d describe it, kind of like Green Lantern if they had a girl’s charm school, and made dry corporate infomercials. It even had a foreign language , with subtitles .People’s eyes were rolling, heads lowered drowsily. I, however, had stayed awake during 2001 , Peter Hyam’s 2010 , all of those classic Planet of the Apes movies, and the political segments of the Star Wars prequels, among other things, so it didn’t bother me. I even chuckled a little at the minute details they’d put into the film. Involuntary tics, coughing, self conscious dabbing of slime secretions…usually films only focused on giving you a lot of flash. I got some of that flash with the creatures that had fins on their head, or shrimp feelers, but a lot of times, nobody cared about or bothered to animate the less interesting stuff. And in regular movies, textures tended to thin out in areas where the directors knew nobody would want to look.Despite my abnormal amount of patience (I had sat through the entire Shannara TV series and many of the slower episodes of classic Doctor Who ), I couldn’t quite retain much of what I watched, except the general gist of the program: DOGOS is a great place to work for, it’s been around a long time (according to alien time measurement), customers were emotionally moved by the level of service and they made escort beylikdüzü a lot of money.I thought I saw Brandice taking notes, but she was actually doodling.I probably would have absorbed more of the presentation, but about halfway through, another latecomer arrived, a girl dressed like Princess Padme from Star Wars , if you got rid of the utility belt and armband, added a denim jacket and printed the word Pink across the butt.And then, as Ray was offering her some pizza, a skinny guy with slicked down hair, earrings and a Chivas shirt arrived. Overall, he seemed a bit feminine . After the girl, not nearly as easy on the eyes, making me wonder if I should have picked a manlier career.The `video’ ended. “Do you have any questions?” Vuembi asked.A bunch of hands raised, but were mostly inquiries about what movie studio Vuembi worked for, how much it cost to produce the program, and if there was a more exciting version where they fight in a war or something.Vuembi told them it was real, and if they didn’t understand that, they should leave immediately. That was enough for Kelley but everyone else murmured to each other about playing along and getting paid, so then the questions turned to issues in the packet, uniforms and so forth.”There will be a week long orientation, where we will go over all of this. All we ask is that you keep an open mind and be flexible.”There were silly questions about Avatar , Darth Vader, the Millennium Falcon and ET, someone asked about chest bursting bug monsters. The little guy surprised me by asking if there were any factual basis to the events of The Fifth Element (the answer of course was no). When the others got to asking whether we should continue our shift, we got dismissed and told to do some packing when we got home, apparently we were having a week long training retreat, one where we’d have bedding and food, but needed clothing, towels and toiletries.As I was leaving, I suddenly noticed something disturbing on the table next to my chair.On the back of one of the packets, the one Brandice had been doodling on, I saw a drawing of a raccoon.And not just any raccoon, a raccoon that looked suspiciously like the one I… played with in my apartment. By the time I noticed, she had already gone back to the office.What would I really say to her about it anyway? My mouth was incapable of forming such questions.When I returned to my desk, I could have sworn I heard the girl chuckle through her nose and smirk at me, but then she played it off and acted like she were looking at her computer.So, that ended my day at work.Obviously, I didn’t have that many people to notify of my absence. I just had my folks and my best friend, maybe the landlord. I went home and got some stuff together.The next day I had orientation.We had been told, during the meeting, to show up in the early morning hours, at a different security gate than we normally used.We gathered at a disused loading dock behind an out of business shipping company, staring at each other and our suitcases of supplies. About ten after, Jolene opened a security door next to the dock and led us down a cinder block tunnel, through a second security gate and through a vast room of empty cubicles, broken chairs and obsolete computer equipment. My associates laughed and murmured at this until Jolene showed us a tall cubicle in the center of the room, with a security door and a hidden stairwell. “This is some Get Smart shit right here,” Antoine remarked.We descended into a basement of the building, which is odd because, previously, in tornado drills, everyone acted like our building had no basement, the general go-to places being a windowless classroom and a stairwell leading up.It turns out the place had a lot of things I didn’t know about.Lots of locked wooden doors with gold plastic name/number plates. Jolene showed us a little internet cafe, a laundry, cafeteria, and some classrooms full of strange devices I’d never seen before, apparently for work. It seemed we also had shared `dorm rooms’ with bunk beds, a sub basement with a call center, medical center, and a hydroponics wing. There were chuckles at this, my coworkers making jokes like, “They think this building is going to move somewhere?”Well, when they weren’t making references to Biodome.The events that followed prevented me from seeing the rest of the tour.When we first came in the building, Jolene had asked if we needed to use the restroom. I hadn’t felt the need at the time, so I waited for the others and followed her downstairs. But then, at this point, I changed my mind. She showed me to a bathroom, told me how to get to my room and where to, and I set my bags down.I put my luggage outside the door, wandering in.Not what I expected. The place had only a couple stalls and urinals. Mostly I saw rows of vacuum hoses on the wall, and a set of fold out plastic benches. I didn’t want to think about what all of this meant. I only knew I had to stand in a line to take care of business.After I used the facilities and came back out, I found my baggage missing.I looked around and noticed Brandice leaning against a nearby wall. “They took it to your room.”I always have difficulty getting my bearings in places, so I asked her where it was.In a sing songy tone, she said she didn’t know, but thought it was down a certain hallway and around a corner.She led me down that way, and I found myself looking at a room full of bunk beds with mattresses sumptiously dressed in silk sheets and pillows. I decided it was an executive sleeping area.Not seeing my luggage anywhere, I turned my head, but then did a double take.There, on the bed, was a stuffed toy, identical to the one from my apartment, wrapped with a big red bow.I did not pack that in my luggage.I would never pack that in my luggage.I froze, wondering if I should stop to examine it, or if it were just some outrageous coincidence and that thing wasn’t mine at all.”Don’t see anything of yours in there?” Brandice asked.”Uh…” I stammered.If I said yes, that would be bad. If I said no, who knew what would happen, with that kind of evidence? I felt ashamed to even step in and examine the stuffed toy.But yet, if I didn’t…Quickly thinking of a lie, I marched up to the toy, and realized to my horror that it was the same exact one. With the same exact, er, modification. I didn’t dare ask Brandice what it was doing there. I kept trying to think of an excuse to get her to leave, so I could maybe find a way to dispose of the damn thing.It turns out it was all for nothing.The moment I stepped away from the toy, I discovered someone had rigged a hook and fishing line to it. I stared in horror as it bounced across the floor, disappearing inside a slightly opened door. A red door surfaced in rubber matting and leather roses.Someone chuckled behind me.I looked back, but Brandice had left the room.When I turned around, a fuzzy brown hand teasingly waved my suitcase from behind the padding, a second hand making beylikdüzü escort bayan a lazy beckoning gesture.I rushed to grab the suitcase, but it shot back inside the hidden room.I crept up and stared through the door’s circular window, but the glass was foggy, so I really couldn’t see anything but a pair of fuzzy brown ears (which I assumed to be part of a costume, or possibly a taxidermy animal). I wished I could get a clearer view.I didn’t wish long.The door suddenly swung open, revealing a crowd of five foot tall chipmunk striped rodents with lizard tails and rabbit muzzles, all dressed in silky lingerie.The rodents gathered around me, laughing and giggling as they pointed to various parts of my body, and I stared back, unsure why these things were there, and what they found so funny.All of a sudden, one grabbed me, and I got dragged into a round, strange sort of hotel suite resembling a dungeon, but with blue rubber pads lining the walls, and an area resembling a McDonald’s kiddie playland, with more rubber pads, a ball pit, and giant plastic tubes to crawl through.I lunged for my suitcase, caught hold of the handle, but their leader, a chipmunk thing with a diamond marking on one cheek, had the lid side, so her associates unfastened the catches, spilling my clothing on the floor. Giggling, they passed the articles around to their friends, playing with my shirts, my underwear, tossing around my socks.Finally wresting the suitcase out of the creature’s clutches, I snatched the articles away, grabbed others from the floor, stuffing them back in the suitcase.Having all the items at last together, I tried to fight my way out, but I discovered Brandice pressing her weight up against the door with a mad giggle. I got dragged back into the room, my suitcase flying open once more.As I was bending over, returning my jeans and other articles to their rightful place, the one with the diamond marking leapt on me, shoved me to the floor, and kissed me on the mouth. It tasted like lemons and peanut butter, with a tinge of ham when her tongue slid around mine. She purred, rubbing her panties against the crotch of my slacks.Although I kinda liked that, I pulled my mouth away. “Hey! Stop that! I got a job to get back to!”She only made quacking squirrel sounds and kissed me again.I grabbed her, pushed her back (I didn’t mean to touch her breasts, but they were large, in the way, and I wanted her to move). That’s when I felt a needle pricking me in the neck.It must have been some kind of muscle relaxer, because then my arms suddenly fell slack and I couldn’t move them.The creatures picked me up by the arms and legs, dragging me onto a padded rubbery examination table, beneath what appeared to be a milking machine, attached to the ceiling.The stirrups of this table had fetters attached to them, which they immediately slapped over my ankles. My arms, likewise, got raised above my head and cuffed securely to the top of the headrest.Five rodents now surrounded me. Human-like creatures, all short, roughly five feet in height, covered in tan and brown fur, with heads like squirrels or chipmunks. Seeing their rounded breasts, with bare pink nipples poking out from the tan fur on their chests, I guessed them to be female. A pair of them actually had quadruple breasts. I couldn’t help but stare at them.One of the animals climbed up on table, bringing her furry face close to mine. Her eyes were framed in rings of black fur, her muzzle marked with a diamond shaped marking. The creature’s lips parted, and I inhaled her fragrant, warm breath, a strangely intoxicating aroma like the intermingling of pumpkin pie, roasted peanuts and animal musk. I felt the weight of the creature’s body ease on top of me. Her muzzle rose to meet my nose.”Uh…hi,” I stammered as our eyes met.The rodent purred, wiggling herself suggestively into my lap. I found the scent and the friction of the creature’s body against my own more than a little enjoyable.Her muzzle pressed against my mouth, parted my lips, her tongue probing the insides of my mouth as her body continued rubbing itself against my clothing. Her taste was like a sweet combination of lemons and peanut butter.I sucked air through my nostrils and kissed back, ramming my crotch against her. She giggled, climbing off the bed.While all of this had been happening, I had felt something tickling my arms, warm moisture trickling down my biceps. Now, free from distraction, I could see that I had two rodents, one leaning over either side of the bed, their muzzles pressed against the sleeves of my t-shirt, their mouths busily gathering wads of the black fabric. The shirt vibrated as their teeth ripped through the material.I suddenly panicked. As fun as all of this was, how was I going to explain a ripped up shirt to Jolene and the rest of my coworkers? “Hey! Stop it! Stop eating my shirt!”I thrashed against the restraints, hoping to shake them off. Their pointy ears twisted quizzically, their warm saliva pouring out of their mouths onto my bare skin.In no time at all, they had sliced through my sleeves, chewing across to the middle of my chest, where their heads came together. Their muzzles met, locked together, kissing rather passionately.Okay, I thought as I enjoyed the show, I suppose I have other shirts in the suitcase.The rodent with the diamond marking climbed back up on the bed, biting into a stretch of fabric in the middle of my shirt. As she ate her way up to the rips the other rodents had made, she straddled me, sliding her body up against my pants.The kissing rodents moved to my feet, where they began untying my shoes.Diamond’s teeth sliced upwards through my shirt until she reached my collar, which she snapped in a single bite. Her soft, fuzzy paws entered the fabric, caressed away the material, leaving my upper torso naked.Her soft breasts brushed my skin, her fur tickling my flesh like an absurd, living stuffed toy, the tingling of the warm saliva drying on my bare arms.Stuffed toy!The creature, squatted over my ankles, gathering up the loop of my belt in her teeth. In a few deft motions, she pulled the belt free from the pin, the buckle, and out of the loop with only her mouth.”W-wow,” I blurted. “You, um…You want to do that? “She tapped the top button of my jeans free from the button-hole, unzipped my fly with her teeth, then climbed off the bed as others undid my ankle restraints.”Whoa, hey… What are you…? “My pants slid off, leaving me clothed in nothing but my socks and white cotton briefs. Since they had to undo my fetters to accomplish this, I tried to move my legs, but the creatures were surprisingly strong, their soft hands preventing me from doing much at all.”Okay, c’mon.. . We’re not actually doing this, right? I mean, why? I’m not that good looking, am I?”Diamond, uttering a low purring noise that sounded like a yes, climbed over the foot of the bed, her paws clutching my bare knees.Her head nuzzled into the space between my legs, and warmth spread beneath my testicles as her teeth slid around the bottommost point of my white cotton briefs.Her muzzle closed on the narrow band of fabric, pulled downwards.I spread my legs, trying to keep the underwear from going further, but the creature’s warm paws squeezed them back together, pulling my briefs free from my body.

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